This past weekend I attended Beauty Con Los Angeles for the second year in a row, this time thanks to the wonderful people over at Sephora! 

It's still so bizarre to me that last year I was able to attend because of Pacifica and now this year Sephora?! When you're a 'micro' blogger or influencer like myself, opportunities like that seem so far out of reach for us. I am truly grateful beyond words. 

As excited as I was to both be invited and actually attend Beauty Con, I was pretty scared. Anxiety, being alone and huge crowds just don't mesh very well together. I talked myself out of going about 3 times on the day of. I did manage to make it out - with the help of my lovely friends and boyfriend's motivational words!

When I first got there I was freaking out, as would anyone. As I was taking in all the booths and standing in line for brands, I'd engage in conversation here and there with other beauty lovers and I felt myself slowly start to relax enough to enjoy myself. I had such a fun time, the absolute booth was probably my favorite there this year. They had a photo booth and even a guy making cotton candy for everyone! 

There were lovely art pieces all around the convention center 

Super talented men and women up on stage giving advice and sharing their love of beauty with everyone else 

After wandering around for about an hour, I had managed to go to a few booths 

About 2 - 2 1/2 in is when the anxiety started to flare up again. I'm not sure what triggered it, but my fight or flight response kicked in and I started to feel suffocated. I decided leaving the event at that time was what was best for me and I was so disappointed in myself. That disappointment I was feeling completely overtook the joy I had felt earlier that day.

After thinking about for a night, I realized how much I had actually accomplished in attending Beauty Con. Years ago - hell even a few months ago, I would have never been able to go anywhere alone let alone a huge event like this one! And not only did I go, but I stayed for a while, I mingled with everyone and I gave myself a moment to enjoy life in the moment. I now get to cross a couple things off of my 2017 goals list. 

my beauty con los angeles experience

It's been a while since I've been on here and sat down and kind of just typed what came to mind. I've been straying more towards the fashion side of blogging, but I have to admit - the raw, unedited chats with all of you will always be my favorite. 

It's currently mid-morning on August 3rd as I'm writing this. Today has been a weird one so far; though I only woke up four hours ago, it seems this day has gone on far too long. After having a pretty intense panic attack yesterday evening, my mood is resilient against changing into a positive one. I honestly couldn't  pinpoint one specific thing that triggered it, all I know is it's hitting me pretty hard. 

For those of you who struggle with any sort of MH issue, you know your best reflecting time is when you have a flare up - anything and everything that has happened crosses your mind as you analyze all the details. 

Quite a bit has changed since the begin of the year, as you'd expect with time. Some things are for the better and the rest, I'm not too sure of yet. There have been times where I let myself slip back into the pits of depression, but luckily I've been able to bring myself back out every time thus far. Anxiety wise, it's about 50/50. When I last updated you, I was finally getting out and enjoying things I felt I could only dream of. The anxiety is stable, still very much there, but livable most days now. My outings did come to a hault in comparison to before, but I managed to find my balance again about two months ago. 

I've gained and lost friendships, built stronger relationships and even lost touch with others. I'm twenty two years old now, I volunteer 4 days out of every week at a pet store - hard to believe, right? It'll be a month in a few days that I started at Adopt & Shop (a post with my full experience to come soon!) and it has yet to sink in that me, Kristina, am actually leaving the house and comfortably coping with being in a work setting with multiple other coworkers beside me. I've gotten more into the photography side of blogging, partaking more in taking pictures of family/friends and even shadowing a very talented friend of mine who is a photographer herself. 

The biggest thing that has happen this year was the sudden passing of my 11 year old dog and best friend, Niki. Surprisingly, I handled it better than I thought I would. During moments of alone time I actually believe I haven't truly come to terms with it because of how good I handled it. I miss her more than words can explain, but it was one of those moments where you had to decide whether you wanted to be selfish for your sake or do what needed to be done no matter how much it'd hurt. Even now typing this, over a month later, it still brings tears to my eyes but I guess it's just life. 

Though this post is ending on a sad note, I am content with where I am in life at the moment. Aside from the sudden anxiety flare up, I do feel like I'm truly living. Making memories I'll never forget and constantly pushing myself to try and experience new things. This year has definitely opened my eyes to just how much truth lies behind the saying "everything happens for a reason". 

a life update

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